Looking back, thinking about the past. Sometimes, it sucks you in. You feel powerless as your memories gushed in and made way to your thoughts and it grabbed the heart and dragged you along. You felt so lost as you begin to think about those people you spent your life with for ten years, fifteen years, growing up together but were never your friends. Although you longed for their love and friendship, they never thought you existed. Like any other beings, you needed the love and encouragement to grow, but you were denied even the right to breathe, the sound of your breathing was an annoyance. For their survival comfort, they conveniently made you invisible. They wouldn't even acknowledge your shadow. Since you were not "there", they wouldn't need to consider a ghost's feelings. You never felt important and was often a forgotten item left on the late night bus. You made a decision to leave yet it didn't come easy. In your exit, you sensed their unsung victory, a sense of relief for some, like the sore in the eye miraculously disappeared. You knew you'll never will mean anything to those you wanted affection from. Your eyes were opened but you missed their physical presence. They were like the bread crumbs that helped you survive hunger, those years of the hunger for a friend, understanding or acceptance - Never a full meal, always a lick between the dirt and crumbs.
You left in search of a world that will love your soul, build your mind and restore your heart. It was fine if the search takes a little longer, so long you are not in destruction - that place that tells you "you are nothing".
